The fights between you have gotten more intense. You are sure you're partner is ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. You feel desperate enough to do anything you can to save your marriage. You would say anything, do anything to stop this downward spiral. The step you are about to take is a radical one.
While you may feel the very strong urge to justify your actions or behavior now is the time to be quiet and become a listener. Listen to your partner. What is he or she saying that has gone so wrong in your marriage? Now is the time to become a calming, soothing factor in your marriage. Of course, this is the exact opposite of what you want to do. Control your impulse. You will be surprised at the results, as you learn to disengage from your spouse's arguments.
You may feel very strongly that you want to talk these things over. There may be accusations that your spouse is throwing at you and you feel the need to justify yourself. Or you simply feel the need to defend yourself. You are both in emotional overload. Take a mental step back from the situation and do some things to relax and calm your mind. At first, your spouse may become more intense in his or her anger, especially now that you are no longer engaging in an argument. Your spouse is trying to get your attention in the only way he or she may know. Through quieting yourself, your spouse will begin to calm down so that more soothing communication can flourish.
Try counting to ten. Walk Away. Take a walk. And while you are strolling talk aloud about your frustrations. It may look weird, but it works. A little yelling at no one, never hurt anyone. Your neighbors may stare at you a bit, but you are doing what is best for you. Call a friend or relative who can offer you support during this difficult time.
Your spouse will be surprised at your response. You will have stopped slinging back accusations. You will have taken the time to think through what he or she is actually trying to tell you. This can be a very calming factor during this tumultuous time. You are allowing your partner to blow off steam, without allowing him or her to get you upset and in an emotional tailspin.