Surviving Marital Infidelity

in Spouse
Marital infidelity may well be the hardest test that any marriage can endure. Most marriages will not survive infidelity but it is not impossible and can be done. The biggest factor in surviving infidelity is the willingness of the spouse who was wronged to forgive. The major thing for the spouse to understand is that infidelity does not have to end in divorce. The mindset of the average person dictates that the marriage end but it does not have to. If the spouse can bring him or herself to forgive the offending partner there will be definite hope for the relationship.

The person who has been unfaithful has violated the sanctity of the sacred vow that both have taken to be faithful to each other. The offended partner may feel totally violated and deceived. Infidelity will force the spouse to question everything that has ever taken place in the marriage. He or she will begin to question every interaction between the couple and every action that the spouse has taken Surviving Marital Infidelity which may have seemed to be questionable in the past. He or she will question the motive for entering the marriage in the first place. They will feel totally deceived and wont trust any future action of the spouse who has been caught in the transgression.

Another factor which will play a major role in the survival of the marriage is the way that the affair became known. Was the unfaithful partner caught in the act or did he or she take initiative and admit the illicit relationship? Is the offending spouse remorseful? Did he or she admit to the wrong when caught or did they attempt to cover it up? Was the affair flagrant, or was it discreet? Was it a one night stand or a wild fling that lasted for years?

Lost trust will be very difficult to restore and if the offended party can forgive it may take years to regain their total trust. The offender must be vigilant to do all that they can to regain the trust of their spouse and realize that it will take years to do. They must also communicate true remorse for their transgressions. Once the offended party is sure in his or her mind that these things are in fact happening the healing process may begin.

Now here is a delicate point but it is totally relevant to the situation. If you are the offended party you must ask yourself with all objectiveness and honesty if you had anything to do with the situation. Did you provide all of the love and support that you could have given in the relationship? Did you treat your spouse as an equal or did you harass them emotionally? These are hard questions but many times when one spouse enters into an adulterous situation it is because he or she was missing something in their present relationship.

If you are the offender it is imperative that you do two things to put your relationship back on the right track. You must reaffirm your commitment to your present spouse in the most convincing way that you possibly can, and you must renounce your relationship with the third party and any other potential third party in the future. The best way to be convincing is to actually mean what you say. Dont be theatrical, just be real.

Counseling is a must in this situation. Seek counseling from someone who is qualified to counsel you. Dont talk about your problems with friends and family because it is the best way to be led off course. Riceland Enterprises

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Surviving Marital Infidelity

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This article was published on 2010/10/16